Monday, February 9, 2015

DOUBLE take.

My sister had twins 6 years ago.
I remember how shocked I was to hear she was having twins. From the time she was pregnant, until just a few years ago I remember saying, "Two babies?!?" to her over and over. She was respond with a tired, "TWO babies."
Never, ever, ever in my life  did I ever think I would have twins myself.
Lets rewind...
Shortly after Lilas first birthday Russ was away at a company golf tournament (which is funny in itself, I think it was his first time golfing) in Logan, a 2 hour drive from our home.
I was home with Lila and kept getting this really bad pain in my lower abdomen.
I called my sister who is a nurse after a couple hours of it not going away- I told her I thought maybe it was my appendix.
After she told my appendix were on the OTHER side of my body (duh!) she asked if I was pregnant.
I told her no, so she thought maybe I had a cysts pop on my ovaries. We have some lovely women issues, cysts on our ovaries being one of them. Since it was a Friday afternoon and my Dr wasn't in the office, she told me to call and just see what they say anyway.
It was a really pretty August day so I took Lila to a nearby park for a picnic, just the two of us.
While I was in the drive thru getting our lunch I called my Dr. office knowing they leave at noon but hopeful I could talk to someone.
They asked if I could be pregnant, I told them no, and that maybe I had a cyst burst?
She told me the first step I needed to take was a pregnancy test.
After sitting at the park with Lila and enjoying our lunch besides the occasional pain, I stopped by a nearby store for a pregnancy test. I was kind of ticked because I knew I wasn't pregnant and I thought it was such a waste of money!!
I brought home the test ( I bought a multi pack so at least I could use them again in the future) and just hung around the couch hoping it would go away.
Finally I decided to take the test, and completely even forgot I had peed on the stick for a couple of hours until it was almost time for Russ to get home and I remembered! I went into the bathroom, and COMPLETELY shocked I see a positive pregnancy test.
I called Russ immediately but he had carpooled with coworkers so I couldn't tell him.
I didn't want to tell my sister either I waited until Russ got home.
He pulled in and immediately I told him I was having bad pains, especially when I sat up, lifted Lila or turned a certain way... then I told him I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. He was completely shocked, but also didn't believe it!
He told me to call the on-call Dr again and tell them. I called them back and told them that it was positive and they said to head to the emergency room, because I could be having an ectopic pregnancy!
We went straight to the ER which by now was about 6:30. They do blood work to CONFIRM I was pregnant. We were in the waiting area just, our kids were going to be close, how were we going to do it? Flip flopping between so excited and so shocked.
They took me back for an ultra sound to see if it was Ectopic and said I was too early to see if it Ectopic and to make sure I call my Dr first thing Monday morning so they can follow up.


I call Monday morning, they get me in Wednesday and confirm I was 6 weeks and a couple of days pregnant. They did another ultra sound and no sign of a baby. The Dr said that almost all women can see a baby at 6 weeks and 3 days, but if I ovulated even a day or two off the baby wouldn't show up, but it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. We were relieved! He wanted me back in the following week to check for a heartbeat.


I went back into the Dr office for another ultra sound to be sure there was a heartbeat. They could see the sack had grown, but no baby and no heartbeat! He didn't think it was a good sign but suggested we come back a week later.
I went home and searched all over the internet for any kind of news related to not seeing a heartbeat at this stage of a pregnancy. It was hopeful since the sack had grown, but still no sight of a baby.
I was also SO sick with Lila at 5 weeks pregnant and he was a little concerned that I hadn't felt sick yet. We had to wait another week :(
After our appointment, Russ went back to work and I took Lila to Chick Fil A and to the park where they were remembering September 11th victims for a picnic.
I remember sitting on our blanket, feeling sad, but feeling so grateful to have this little girl and for no matter what Im going through, she brings out a positive energy. And then I look at the all the flags that represented someone lost and thought that I should stop feeling sorry for myself and there are lots of people that day remembering someone that had been lost in a terrible way.


I was starting to feel sick! I thought it was great news! How could I be sick with no baby?!
We went in for the ultra sound...NO baby :( so of course, no heartbeat. I was totally deflated.
I struggled so hard not to cry in the office. He said I could be having a blighted Ovum, where your body still thinks you're pregnant, even though somewhere early you lost the baby. Same hormones, same sickness, and he said it could take weeks to months before you body naturally miscarries. He suggested a D & C to clean out my body and thought it might speed up the process of miscarriage. He doesn't take those lightly though so he wanted to be absolultely sure and wait until I was in my 10 week. He thought he could maybe see a mass growing in the sack, but no heartbeat and with how far along I was, basically told me not to get my hopes up.
We had a big work conference coming up for work that would have been during my 10 week so I told my boss I was miscarrying and I would more than likely miss the conference due to have this procedure done.
I had told my Mom by then. I was sick and I was sad and thought one day I would need help with Lila.
My Dad had restored his trailer and was staying up the mountains for a couple of days. He invited me to come up and have dinner and sleep in the trailer while they took Lila for a walk in the mountains. I thought It was sweet.
It was nice to get out in fresh air and rest. I looked out the back window of their trailer and saw them walking off with Lila in the stroller. I was extremely grateful at that moment.
Between throwing up and resting, they just took her so she could enjoy the outdoors.


After a MISERABLE 10 days of emotions and being terribly sick I went in for my final appointment.
I knew everyone was anxiously awaiting results like we were. I remember right before he started the ultra sound wondering how I would react, if I had prepared myself enough. I remember hearing of other woman miscarrying, and I knew it was a very common thing, but I didn't realize how sad these woman got where they weren't that far along. I felt bad for ever thinking that because I was sad! The fear that we had of our kids being so close together made me start to think- how long will I take to recover? What if we cant get pregnant again easily and they are years and years apart?
He started the ultra sound and almost instantly BABY!!!! And a heartbeat!!! I couldn't believe it!!
I started to ask him.. "How...?" and my Dr instantly replied, "Its Unexplainable". I will forever more remember hearing him say that! ....Its unexplainable.
I was instantly relieved, instantly wanted to hug him for making me wait. That whole time waiting I didn't understand why he wouldn't just do it and put me out of my misery. I saw with my own eyes a big black empty hole!
Russ heard the good news and started to wrestle with Lila in a chair behind me as she was already getting anxious and wanted out oft he dark small room.

My Dr went to get a different angle of the baby so he could measure it and all of the sudden he says, "Wait a minute..".
AND I KNEW!!!!!!!!
Me, "No!"..."No, no, no".
Dr, " Yep."
Russ wrestling with Lila behind me, "What?! What just happened?"
Dr, "There's two".

How in the world we went from seeing NO baby for 5 weeks in a row to TWO perfectly healthy heartbeatin' TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we were all in shock!
He told me to get dressed and come into his office for a talk.
I got dressed, threw up, and went and sat in his office.
I hadn't been there 2 minutes and had to run to the bathroom again.
He sat us down and told us what to expect for the next little while.
They sent us out of the door with 2 "new baby" packages of diaper samples, formula samples, prenatal and I just remember looking at Russ and we both busted up laughing!
I can never begin to tell you the roller coaster of thinking I was about to have a D & C to twins measuring 8 weeks!
How could I have TWO babies measuring 8 weeks when 10 days ago we saw one big black empty hole?
I hopped into our brand new car Russ had just surprised me with (That's another fun story: I wanted a new car so bad, and Russ didn't. I found one that I wanted and we test drove it and Russ just basically said no. I walked out of our house one day with Lila and we had a brand new car sitting in our driveway! He hadn't said a word about it, just wanted to surprise me. There was a HUGE red ribbon in the truck he was going to put on but didn't.
The relevance in the new car is that I hopped in this car we had only had a month and I instantly thought- we have already outgrown this!
I called my Mom and my sister right away and they were in shock My mom didn't believe me and all my sister said was, "Ohhhh Seester." haha.
So here is one of the few belly shots I've ever taken- 4 months pregnant with TWINS:
We are so thankful for good Drs, and the faith that has been given to us to take care of these two.
While we are terrified to have 3 babies under the age of 2, we couldn't feel more blessed.

1 comment:

  1. What a roller coaster of emotions!!! This post totally made me cry. When I heard you were having twins I had no idea all this got you to that point! So sorry you had to go through all of that but I'm so happy things worked out! Can't wait to meet your little guys!!